His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
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MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
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Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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