Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
