ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
