Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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