sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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