as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
