She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dicks are not precious.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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