Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
This house was built for laser tag.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
this is an emotional support booty call
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
