Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize