Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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