And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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