Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
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