Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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