3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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