You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
