he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I have demons in me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize