Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
