please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
We're too hungover to prance.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
