The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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