i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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