Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Randomize
