Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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