Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
