3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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