i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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