i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
