at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
