Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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