Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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