3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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