Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
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I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
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Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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