Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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