he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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