She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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