where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
