why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
