That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
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