I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
