I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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