I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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