I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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