I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
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We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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