There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize