dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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