anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
