I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
