Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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