We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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