I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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