First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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