And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
