If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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