So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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