I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
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I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
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I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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