I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
