It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
be right there i have to get my cape
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
