Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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