Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
