My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
3 2 1 whiskey
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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