my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
did i walk over a car last night?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
