batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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