Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
