i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
