sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
