Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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