and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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