I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
